Speech to end all other speeches that have ever been given

I have to give a speech in one of my classes today, and it's worth a big chunk of my grade. But we had no prompt whatsoever on what to talk about, the teacher just said, "give a speech of 300 words or less on whatever you want." Being the loyal Thunder Bolt I am, I decided to put my grade on the line talk about the only thing worth talking about at school: Bolts of Thunder. So if I go down, I down down in flames of glory... My speech:

Classmates, during our lives we often find ourselves with free time on our hands but no good sources of entertainment to fill this time. Most modern day entertainment is like cheap narcotics: dirty and homemade. And like most cheap narcotics, these forms of entertainment will leave you feeling used, cheated, guilty, and empty. So where do we turn to alleviate the boredom? How should we constructively pass the endless hours of free time which too often fill our days? We should turn to Bolts of Thunder. What is Bolts of Thunder, you may ask? Bolts of Thunder is an underground movement of skaters, posers, and wannabes that have come together to wreak havoc on the man and the war machine, make skate videos, and entertain you. It has already made three full feature length skate videos starring the most talented skaters the streets of Provo have to offer, and it is currently working on its fourth film. It also has a blog in which you will read fascinating articles about police officers harassing local youth, drunk hicks fighting horses, and interviews with the ice cream man. You will also see mind-blowing photos of death-defying skateboard stunts. Bolts of Thunder will wholesomely replace those dirty forms of entertainment that so loudly and seductively compete for your attention, and it will leave you feeling happy about yourself and the world around you. So next time you find yourself with nothing to do, let Bolts of Thunder take care of you!