Bolts of Thunder 4

You didn't think I'd have anything else crazy to say about work this week, but you'd be wrong. Today I assisted in the arrest of a creepy man that was hanging out in the women's bathroom. When I say assisted in his arrest, I was the one that called the cops. Then I just sat there and watched. And when he refused to give the cops his name, sit down, say if he had any weapons, or say what he was doing in the women's bathroom, he decided he'd have better luck running. He was wrong. I snapped a couple good shots of the cops taking him down and arresting him after he gave a very feeble attempt at running away. What fascinates me most about these pictures is that the girl sitting on the rock eating her sandwich seems either indifferent or oblivious to the incidents going on behind her. She must be eating a Subway. Ask Kenzo, those are good... Anyway, The cops tackled him down, emptied his bag, and took him away in their car. They told me that he never said what he was doing, he didn't have any ID on him, and that he was crazy. He reminds me of Joker from the new Batman movies. We took down Joker today. Just a normal day at work.

You don't come across good stories every day, and when you do, you need to be sure and share them with others. That is why I am writing today, dear reader. I have an awesome story to tell you. One that involves star-crossed lovers, spies, spies spying on spies, and hiding in bushes. It involves love, hate, and a strange itch on the top of my hand. But that's another issue. Back to my story.

So at work yesterday (I work at a park. I keep it clean. Or at least try to) I was picking up trash on a trail up above the park when I noticed a couple (that means a man and a woman) kissing in one of the parking lots. They were kind of hiding behind their car which was parked in the back corner of the back parking lot, so it looked fishy from the start. But then I noticed a man running really fast on the other side of these trees, like he was trying to get a good view of them kissing. The immediate thought was that he was a pervert trying to spy on them, but perverts don't run that fast unless they're fleeing the scene of a crime. In that case, they run real fast. But when a potential peeping tom session is on the horizon, they tend to swoop in nice and secret like, not running frantically. Don't ask me how I know this, just random bits of knowledge I've picked up along the way I guess. Anyway, the dude (I will from here on out refere to the spying man as "the dude") ran around behind these trees then disappeared inside of them. A few seconds later the couple stopped kissing and began walking on this trail to another part of the park. As soon as they left, the dude popped out of the bushes right next to their car and started following them on the side of the trail. My next thought was that he was the husband of the woman and he was ready to get his revenge on her lover.

In this strange situation, I found myself spying on a couple that had another man spying on them and spying on the man that was spying on the couple without him knowing I was spying. I wonder if anyone was spying on me? That would have been awesome... So in such a strange situation, I did what any responsible, reasonable person would have done. I took out my phone and started taking pictures. So I sat their stalking the stalker, taking pictures of him as I hid behind a bush on this trail up on the mountain. The dude followed the couple for a ways until they stopped walking and started making out again. The dude then creeped on the ground, ninjaed his way over to where he had a clear shot, and lied on the ground staring at them.

It was at this point that things got even weirder and potential very deadly. The man reached for something in his back pocket that looked like a gun at first, and I thought he was going to pop a cap in their A's. For those of you who don't avidly listen that hippidy bop, that means shoot them dead. Expire them. Pop a cap... But it wasn't a gun. Instead, it was a pair of binoculars, and he took his stalking one step further. Then he pulled out a camera and started taking pictures. But I beat him to it, and I already had like 8 pictures of the entire scene.

Then the couple started walking again, and he ducked down as low as he could as to not be seen, and turned around as he did so, looking straight up at me. I slowly ducked down behind the bush and used my mutant power and earth-toned cloning to blend into the scenery. But the man must have seen or thought he saw something because next thing I knew, he had his binoculars pointed up the mountain at me.

It was at this point that I thought of the movie "The Firm" and maybe I would get to star in my very own version of this story. I would get caught seeing a heinous crime, and the dude would come after me. I stayed low as my heart raced, and I tried my best to blend. Don't ask me how I do it, I just do. I blend.

The guy gave up on me and went off after the couple again. He snapped off a couple more pictures of them kissing then high-tailed it out of there. He took a couple pictures of their car, then got in his car which was parked in a secret spot, then he took off, not to be seen again. My guess is that he's a private investigator hired by the woman's husband to find out why she's not going to work these days. She was dressed nice like she should have been at the office, and her lover was dressed like crap like he should have been out pulling weeds with me. I also had a nicely trimmed mullet with steps shaved into the side of his head. The cream of the crop, no doubt, at at the bar she picked him up at.

I guess my story ends there. It was scary though. I ran into the couple 3 times after that, and they kept staring at me like I was the private I. And I guess I was, but I'm not turning them in to anyone specific, just to the world in general. So here are some pictures of the scene. I was far and zoomed in all the way on my camera, so they're hard to see, but you can see the couple's heads poking out of the bushes with the dude hiding on the ground on the left side. He's wearing blue. If people start chasing me or want me dead, this is why, so now that you've read this story, you're in on it too. Sorry...